Living in a World that Makes Me Bitter?

So there's a self-portrait that was taken back in mid-August. Yes, I look tired among other things, but give me a break, it was about 7:30 in the morning and I was getting ready to leave for the dreaded daily grind. I'm supposing that this is the normal face that I wear while walking down the street, staring at my computer, sitting on the train and listening to music, etc. I realize that I don't have the most happy of normal looks since I get enough weirdos on the street telling me to smile, but something happened tonight that made me really think about it. I was about to get off of the train on my way home this evening when all of the sudden this guy gets up and starts saying something to me. I realize that it's my hair stylist and he's telling me that I look so mean and cranky. I tell him that I probably always look that way! It's just bad when someone that you know and see on a semi-regular basis is telling you things like that. It makes me wonder if that's why I don't have a boyfriend. Are men afraid to come up and strike up a conversation because I just don't look like I'm a pleasant person and would prefer not to be bothered? Is there a way that I can change my expression to be a more happy and approachable one? I really don't know...maybe my lips just contain a natural downturn. Maybe it's from being such a crabby baby and I just stayed that way? Maybe my life is just so unsatisfying that I don't have something to smile about all of the time?

Let the Carving Begin!

We had a pumpkin carving party at Elana and David's apartment over the weekend. It was a lot of fun, and brought back nice memories. I can't really remember the last time that I carved a pumpkin, but most likely it was in the kitchen at my mom and dad's house. They're still a pain in the ass to clean out, with all of their slimy guts, but the smell of fresh pumpkin is about a once a year treat. Also, I don't know who would have the patience to pick out all of the seeds to roast them, what a mess! We also made a nice dinner and drank some pretty decent pumpkin flavored beer. It was an enjoyable and relaxing way to spend a Friday night. I also finally got a chance to share some of the feelings that I've been having lately about the death of my grandfather (happened about a month ago while I was away at my great Austin trip) with someone who went through something similar about a year ago. It felt good, and surprisingly I didn't cry. But it still makes me sad to think about even now while I sit here and type this.

It was a pretty dreary and cool fall weekend here in Chicago. It's been raining off and on since Saturday night and a lot of the leaves are coming down off of the trees. It's a little bittersweet, as pretty as it is. With the falling of the leaves comes the colder weather. I really dislike chilly weather and I have a feeling that I have a lot of it ahead of me. I realized that I won't get to see the leaves start budding on the trees and the flowers start to bloom in Chicago for who knows how long since I'm leaving. At least I know that when I get to Ireland in March, everything will already be green, but it will still be plenty damp! With this kind of weather, I felt like making something hearty. I had my friends Karen and Matt over for dinner last night, and Karen and I made a large pot of chili with corn bread, and apple crisp for dessert. It was a perfect meal for the weather! Not to mention, a good feeling to share things with close friends. I usually make a large batch of one thing or another on the weekend, and end up throwing half of it away about a week later because I just can't eat it all.

I mailed my application for membership to WWOOF today! How exciting is that? I'm one step closer to becoming a hippie international organic farmer. It's actually only four months away, which, when I think about it, is kind of scary. I might as well start packing up all of my stuff now...how sad. I'm going to miss Chicago a lot, and I don't think that I'm truly ready to leave, but at the same time, I need to do something different that's going to bring me new perspectives and it is something that I'm looking forward to. I mean, at least I'm not leaving Chicago to do something that I don't really plan to put all of my heart into.

Life on the High Seas

I spent the day craving citrus, namely grapefruit. I decided that I'd make myself a nice little dinner of salad greens topped with pieces of fresh grapefruit and sliced avocado, but alas, the grocery store had neither, so this is what I settled upon. I think I must be coming down with scurvy from all of my pillaging and swash-buckling on the high seas, hence the citrus craving for combat. Seriously, I think I could have eaten two cans of that grapefruit, it actually wasn't too bad, and it eliminated the work of peeling and slicing. But, don't worry folks, I haven't started trying to starve myself, I followed up the fruit with a bowl of ice cream. Word to the wise, Haagen-Daz cookies and cream ice cream doesn't have NEARLY enough bits of cookie pieces to make it satisfying.

A Piece of Americana History

Canons Firing

Casualty on the Battlefield
Flowers growing on a dead cornstalk
En Garde!

Today, I got a nice history lesson. I went to a Civil War re-enactment in semi-rural Illinois. It was pretty interesting, but the battle itself seemed quite unorganized. I'm not sure if that's how they fought back then, but it seemed as though there were three or four smaller battles going on in the field at any given moment. I don't think I would have enjoyed being on the front lines, seeing as though you were firing at each other at short ranges either. I learned that in 1860, the average life expectancy was only 33 years old, men were married at an average age of 14, and girls at 13. By the time a woman was 21, on average, she had given birth to 5 children, that is, if she was lucky to not have died during childbirth. You had a one in 500 chance to live to the age of 50. I guess we've come a really long way since then! Oh yeah, and doctors had two years of schooling, which was solely lecture based, and it was the same lectures two years in a row!

We also go the chance to pick out our pumpkins for Halloween. Next weekend, Elana is planning to throw a pumpkin carving party, so I'll have to make sure to take pictures of our "super scary", amateurly carved Halloween pumpkins.

Shangri La, El Dorado, Sloppy Joes...

Xanadu was quite the place. I watched Citizen Kane tonight (guiltily for the first time) and from the very beginning, I could only think "They sure don't make movies like they used to..." Back to Xanadu, this place didn't look so fun from the distance, and seemed quite cold in some of the indoor shots, but you've got to give the set designers credit. That place was really nothing like I've seen before, it melded so many different worldly elements together into one jumbled bastion. I had to employ some of the gems of knowledge that I acquired back in art history classes to place some of the architecture. Back to the movie itself, the camera angles were sometimes breathtaking, as well as some of the shots. Also, what ever happened to the driving, intense, full of feeling orchestral work that went into old movies? Sure, some movie soundtracks today are good, and invoke some feelings while watching a movie, but it just isn't the same. Poor old Charlie Foster Kane.

I know that I've been gone for quite a while. Several things have been going on in my life. Some fun, some not so fun. Work has still been hellish and there doesn't seem to be an end in sight. Good thing I only have to put up with it until March. Still no second job, although I have been on an interview for one. At this point, I'm hoping that my annual bonus that comes through soon will be enough to carry me through my travels. I'll keep my fingers crossed.

The Sufjan Stevens concerts were amazing. He and his "Illinoisemakers" played to a full house both nights, and had the audience completely entranced. So entranced, that at some points you hear silence between words being sung. In fact, some of the bartenders were making jokes that it was the quietest they've ever heard the place and that they were making too much noise when closing the cash register. I must say that at one point during the first show, I felt like crying while singing along. Sufjan really knows what to do to people to bring out all the feelings. It was a really enjoyable show and I have no complaints. The most fun was the human pyramid that was successfully made in the middle of the show. I also enjoyed the cheers in between songs. If only I could win Sufjan's heart like he has won mine with his music.

For the sake of content and length, I'll have to fill the world in with other news in the next post, including the awesome three days that I like to call The Austin City Limits Music Festival. Until then my friends...