Icicles of Death

That is what looms for me if I choose to exit my apartment through the back stairway. I would venture to guess that the largest one is now at least four feet long. They will either fall on me and split my head open, or I'll slip and fall down the stairs as a result of the slow melt that accumulates in a thick layer of ice on the steps from the drippage. Needless to say, I don't think I'll be doing any laundry by walking down those steps any day soon. It's cold, lots of snow, and entirely too much work for me to do these days. I guess I'll have to maintain whatever sanity I have left until the end of the month when I have a week off of work.

The Walking Dead

Happy Halloween! I know, I'm a couple of weeks late, but at least I have the memories. This year, I dressed up as a zombie prom queen. It was cheap, I already had the dress, I could be liberal with the fake blood, and I got a lot of attention for the costume. It was a big hit with everyone, except some people were a bit grossed out by the slashed neck and stab wound to the heart. And yes, folks, I did dress up and go bowling.

Morning Light

I suffered from a bit of insomnia this morning, so I figured that since I was wide awake at 5:30 a.m., I had better get out of bed and get an early start on the day. About an hour later, I was on my way to the office with the intent of getting some extra work done with an extra hour's time. As I stepped out of my apartment building, the smells of mud and worms hit me like a brick. Granted, there are probably not any worms writhing around on the ground during this time of year, there are rotting, wet leaves. I then took a deep breath and relished in the first few minutes of the sunrise. I forgot how much I treasure this time of day. With each step I took towards the train station, I let my senses enjoy the rising sun, the calmness, the lack of people, the lack (or definite lessening of) noise. If I had the drive and ambition to wake up an hour before sunrise every morning and be out the door just as light was beginning to spread around the world, I think that I would start my days on a much more peaceful note. There's a certain feeling in the air. It just seems so fresh and new. The temperature is usually the lowest of the day, and with a nice, brisk walk, it really gets the blood flowing.

The train was prompt. The people were still half-asleep. There was silence. I read about snow. I thought about the first snowflakes of the year and how I feel like a child again every time they start falling. We're still probably (hopefully) about a month away from any snow falling, but, when it does happen, I want it to be in the early morning. If I could have things my way, I would magically transport myself into an empty field in the middle of nowhere. There I am, standing in the openness. Looking into the sky. Feeling the snowflakes hit my face, getting stuck in my eyelashes, melting on my tongue. Perfectly white, falling onto a brown, dirty ground.

Back to reality as I made my way up to street level from the subway. The morning light was a bit older now, and I was hit with the smells of exhaust, cigarette smoke, city. There was more noise, albeit less traffic and less people. I enjoyed my ten minute walk from the train to the office. The smell of worms still lingering, but this time I attributed it to Lake Michigan instead since I was only about six blocks away from it. Mornings like this should be enjoyed for everything that they are worth. It is a brand new day, and although it probably will be one that I won't enjoy to the fullest extent, at least it started out in a beautiful way.

Living in a World that Makes Me Bitter?

So there's a self-portrait that was taken back in mid-August. Yes, I look tired among other things, but give me a break, it was about 7:30 in the morning and I was getting ready to leave for the dreaded daily grind. I'm supposing that this is the normal face that I wear while walking down the street, staring at my computer, sitting on the train and listening to music, etc. I realize that I don't have the most happy of normal looks since I get enough weirdos on the street telling me to smile, but something happened tonight that made me really think about it. I was about to get off of the train on my way home this evening when all of the sudden this guy gets up and starts saying something to me. I realize that it's my hair stylist and he's telling me that I look so mean and cranky. I tell him that I probably always look that way! It's just bad when someone that you know and see on a semi-regular basis is telling you things like that. It makes me wonder if that's why I don't have a boyfriend. Are men afraid to come up and strike up a conversation because I just don't look like I'm a pleasant person and would prefer not to be bothered? Is there a way that I can change my expression to be a more happy and approachable one? I really don't know...maybe my lips just contain a natural downturn. Maybe it's from being such a crabby baby and I just stayed that way? Maybe my life is just so unsatisfying that I don't have something to smile about all of the time?

Let the Carving Begin!

We had a pumpkin carving party at Elana and David's apartment over the weekend. It was a lot of fun, and brought back nice memories. I can't really remember the last time that I carved a pumpkin, but most likely it was in the kitchen at my mom and dad's house. They're still a pain in the ass to clean out, with all of their slimy guts, but the smell of fresh pumpkin is about a once a year treat. Also, I don't know who would have the patience to pick out all of the seeds to roast them, what a mess! We also made a nice dinner and drank some pretty decent pumpkin flavored beer. It was an enjoyable and relaxing way to spend a Friday night. I also finally got a chance to share some of the feelings that I've been having lately about the death of my grandfather (happened about a month ago while I was away at my great Austin trip) with someone who went through something similar about a year ago. It felt good, and surprisingly I didn't cry. But it still makes me sad to think about even now while I sit here and type this.

It was a pretty dreary and cool fall weekend here in Chicago. It's been raining off and on since Saturday night and a lot of the leaves are coming down off of the trees. It's a little bittersweet, as pretty as it is. With the falling of the leaves comes the colder weather. I really dislike chilly weather and I have a feeling that I have a lot of it ahead of me. I realized that I won't get to see the leaves start budding on the trees and the flowers start to bloom in Chicago for who knows how long since I'm leaving. At least I know that when I get to Ireland in March, everything will already be green, but it will still be plenty damp! With this kind of weather, I felt like making something hearty. I had my friends Karen and Matt over for dinner last night, and Karen and I made a large pot of chili with corn bread, and apple crisp for dessert. It was a perfect meal for the weather! Not to mention, a good feeling to share things with close friends. I usually make a large batch of one thing or another on the weekend, and end up throwing half of it away about a week later because I just can't eat it all.

I mailed my application for membership to WWOOF today! How exciting is that? I'm one step closer to becoming a hippie international organic farmer. It's actually only four months away, which, when I think about it, is kind of scary. I might as well start packing up all of my stuff now...how sad. I'm going to miss Chicago a lot, and I don't think that I'm truly ready to leave, but at the same time, I need to do something different that's going to bring me new perspectives and it is something that I'm looking forward to. I mean, at least I'm not leaving Chicago to do something that I don't really plan to put all of my heart into.

Life on the High Seas

I spent the day craving citrus, namely grapefruit. I decided that I'd make myself a nice little dinner of salad greens topped with pieces of fresh grapefruit and sliced avocado, but alas, the grocery store had neither, so this is what I settled upon. I think I must be coming down with scurvy from all of my pillaging and swash-buckling on the high seas, hence the citrus craving for combat. Seriously, I think I could have eaten two cans of that grapefruit, it actually wasn't too bad, and it eliminated the work of peeling and slicing. But, don't worry folks, I haven't started trying to starve myself, I followed up the fruit with a bowl of ice cream. Word to the wise, Haagen-Daz cookies and cream ice cream doesn't have NEARLY enough bits of cookie pieces to make it satisfying.

A Piece of Americana History

Canons Firing

Casualty on the Battlefield
Flowers growing on a dead cornstalk
En Garde!

Today, I got a nice history lesson. I went to a Civil War re-enactment in semi-rural Illinois. It was pretty interesting, but the battle itself seemed quite unorganized. I'm not sure if that's how they fought back then, but it seemed as though there were three or four smaller battles going on in the field at any given moment. I don't think I would have enjoyed being on the front lines, seeing as though you were firing at each other at short ranges either. I learned that in 1860, the average life expectancy was only 33 years old, men were married at an average age of 14, and girls at 13. By the time a woman was 21, on average, she had given birth to 5 children, that is, if she was lucky to not have died during childbirth. You had a one in 500 chance to live to the age of 50. I guess we've come a really long way since then! Oh yeah, and doctors had two years of schooling, which was solely lecture based, and it was the same lectures two years in a row!

We also go the chance to pick out our pumpkins for Halloween. Next weekend, Elana is planning to throw a pumpkin carving party, so I'll have to make sure to take pictures of our "super scary", amateurly carved Halloween pumpkins.

Shangri La, El Dorado, Sloppy Joes...

Xanadu was quite the place. I watched Citizen Kane tonight (guiltily for the first time) and from the very beginning, I could only think "They sure don't make movies like they used to..." Back to Xanadu, this place didn't look so fun from the distance, and seemed quite cold in some of the indoor shots, but you've got to give the set designers credit. That place was really nothing like I've seen before, it melded so many different worldly elements together into one jumbled bastion. I had to employ some of the gems of knowledge that I acquired back in art history classes to place some of the architecture. Back to the movie itself, the camera angles were sometimes breathtaking, as well as some of the shots. Also, what ever happened to the driving, intense, full of feeling orchestral work that went into old movies? Sure, some movie soundtracks today are good, and invoke some feelings while watching a movie, but it just isn't the same. Poor old Charlie Foster Kane.

I know that I've been gone for quite a while. Several things have been going on in my life. Some fun, some not so fun. Work has still been hellish and there doesn't seem to be an end in sight. Good thing I only have to put up with it until March. Still no second job, although I have been on an interview for one. At this point, I'm hoping that my annual bonus that comes through soon will be enough to carry me through my travels. I'll keep my fingers crossed.

The Sufjan Stevens concerts were amazing. He and his "Illinoisemakers" played to a full house both nights, and had the audience completely entranced. So entranced, that at some points you hear silence between words being sung. In fact, some of the bartenders were making jokes that it was the quietest they've ever heard the place and that they were making too much noise when closing the cash register. I must say that at one point during the first show, I felt like crying while singing along. Sufjan really knows what to do to people to bring out all the feelings. It was a really enjoyable show and I have no complaints. The most fun was the human pyramid that was successfully made in the middle of the show. I also enjoyed the cheers in between songs. If only I could win Sufjan's heart like he has won mine with his music.

For the sake of content and length, I'll have to fill the world in with other news in the next post, including the awesome three days that I like to call The Austin City Limits Music Festival. Until then my friends...

Germanfest!

I spent some time on both Saturday and Sunday at the 85th Annual German-American Festival. I think that a good time was had by all, and a large souvenir stein of German beer always gets the ball rolling for more enjoyment. We consumed delicious bratwurst and kraut and some mediocre German potato salad. The live bands were a good time too, but I wish someone would have been adventurous (or drunk) enough to enjoy some polka dancing with me! I was hoping to hear "Roll Out the Barrel" and fortunately, it was played shortly before I left on Sunday evening. The only bad part was that people were complaining that it was too hot in the tent (well, I guess they had a good point since it was about 90 degrees this weekend) and that it smelled bad. I guess when you mix beer, lots of people, bratwurst, and sauerkraut, you tend to end up with not-so-nice smelling surroundings.

This is the week of Sufjan Stevens coming to Chicago to showcase his newest album, aptly named "Illinois" or "Come On, Feel the Illinoise", depending on who you are speaking to. I'm really looking forward to this. Oh yeah, and I'm really looking forward to the fact that I leave for Austin City Limits in about 10 days as well. I know, I know, I talk about it just about everyday, but I can't contain the excitement!

I have successfully memorized my first banjo tune, "Bile them Cabbage Down". I haven't nailed it down perfectly, because that C chord is still giving me problems, but I suppose it will take a little more time and practice. My friend, Elana, came over yesterday and she used to play bluegrass banjo and she could remember how to play the same song, as it was the first one that she learned as well. It really sounded different when it was played bluegrass style as opposed to clawhammer. I'm still wondering if I would enjoy bluegrass more?

I sent out my first job application for my part-time job on Friday. I'm going to keep my fingers crossed and hope that something comes along soon so I can start saving up some money for my big trip.

Boats + Cranes = ???

Can anyone tell me why a boat would be lifted on a crane that sits on one of the bridges over the Chicago River? I took this picture a few weeks ago while walking into the Loop and really couldn't see the point behind it. I went past again the following week and things were still in the same state. Very interesting...

Anyway, I meant to update sooner, and actually had something written up a few days ago, but then tried doing something and undoing it and then trying to get it all back again only to have everything get erased. So goes blogging life sometimes I supposed. That really put a damper on the party though because I surely was not going to try to reformulate everything that I had just written.

It was a pretty good and relaxing holiday weekend. I didn't do much beside go to Iowa for a family reunion on Saturday. It was cool seeing some people that I hadn't seen for a while and getting to know a few new ones. Oh yeah, and of course, the food was great considering it was all homemade from good old Midwestern farmers. The only problem is that whoever was in charge of bringing the corn forgot it! I was really looking forward to some fresh sweet corn, but what's done is done.

I think I have succeeded in talking my brother into going to be an organic farmer with me in Ireland. We both just need to get a job (him a first job, me a second) so we can save up some money for our gallivanting. I really hope that he can follow through on this because I think it would be an awesome experience, not to mention we could get away from our mundane daily lives for a few months. Who knows, maybe we can find a way to stay for a longer period of time and make some money.

I made the best chicken enchiladas I've ever had for dinner last night. I got the recipe from America's Test Kitchen (http://www.americastestkitchen.com), and it was definitely worth the extra work making homemade enchilada sauce as compared to the canned stuff. I also made some quick bread. I'm trying to bring my lunch more often to support my savings fund for the gallivanting.

Tonight was class #2 for the banjo experiment. I thought I was doing really well, but then when I picked up to practice before class tonight, my fingers just weren't as good as they were the previous night. I don't know what happened. Luckily, I half-recovered in time for class. It's nice having a larger class because you don't stick out so badly when you hit a wrong note. Let's just say that I'm not a perfect clawhammer banjo player yet, and I'm hoping that I'm not the only one in that boat!

I think I might see the new Bill Murray movie, "Broken Flowers", this weekend. Or I might see that new Elijah Wood one about the soccer hooligans. After all, it has been a long-term goal of mine to become a hooligan...

Banjo players lead longer, happier lives...

Hello Banjo!

I just got home from my first banjo lesson ever! I have to say that I was a bit intimidated when I first walked in the classroom because it seemed that most "classmates" had their own banjos, complete with strap and digital/automatic tuners. I felt like such a novice having only held a banjo once before, but once class got start, I learned that we were mostly in the same boat. The lesson was cool, we did some tuning, open brushing, chords, thumb picking. I think I've got enough to practice and get good at in the next week. I can already hear some similarities between what I heard tonight in class and some Sufjan music, so I'm well on my way!

The CTA was a nightmare today, both morning and night. I waited for the red line for about 30 minutes this morning and then got on the first train that was running express, which was just dandy for me. Unfortunately, once we got going, we stopped again and sat in the tunnel for about 10 more minutes. The conductor came on to announce that they were running with "defective equipment". Why the hell are they running the train with all of those people on it if the equipment is defective??? Then on the way home, I probably stood around waiting for the brown line for at least 20 minutes before one finally came along to run express again. I guess I can just consider myself lucky since I live in a city with functional public transportation and I don't have to pay ridiculous gas prices to go anywhere.

I broke the news to my mom that I was leaving the country in seven months and warned her that I would probably end up moving back into their house when I come back and don't have a job, an apartment, or any money! She seemed okay with it, but suggested that I just try to find a job wherever I can abroad and stay there because of the downhill slide that good old G.W. has us on the fast track for. She also brought up the good point that higher gas prices will bring higher grocery bills as well. I never thought of that. Bummer people...

Living, Working, Traveling Abroad

Going abroad has been one of my long-term goals in life, and I'm always thinking of ways to expand my experiences. Since I've hit a bit of a rut in my life, I was doing some thinking yesterday and came to two conclusions:

1.) Quit my current full-time "career" and opt for one full-time and one part-time gig in my neighborhood and do that until I figure out what to do next with my life

2.) Work at my current place of employment, tack on a local part-time gig, pinch all of my pennies like never before, and when my lease is up, pack up my belongings, ship them to my folks' house, and leave the country for a bit, or at least as far as my savings takes me. This would probably lead me to Europe, as it's pretty easy and affordable to get around to different locales and I could probably pick up a hostel stint here and there for free/discount board and some extra cash

THEN, I stumbled upon something new. It's an organic farming program that has locations all over the world that entails going to work on someone's farm in exchange for room and board in most cases. Seeing as though I've had the thoughts of trying my hand at some farming for the past while, I think this might be a fun option. The only drawback is that I have no farming experience. Luckily, most posts are short-term, so if I didn't like it, I wouldn't be stuck in the situation forever. Maybe the best option would be to travel around for about a month or so, prior to this farming program, and then experience some real work before heading home for the next adventure?

Of course, the latter two options would probably entail moving back to Minnesota and living for free with my parents for a bit. I'm a huge fan of Chicago. Am I ready to leave? Would I be able to maintain my sanity living with my parents again? These are all big questions to ask myself before I take any big leaps.

In the meantime, tomorrow I begin my banjo lessons. Woo hoo! I'm a little nervous just because it will be a new social situation for me and I won't know anyone. For some odd reason, I feel more outgoing in those types of situations though. Perhaps because it is so forced?

Armenian Honky Tonk Beach Fun (not necessarily in that order)

Well, well, well, what a fruitful Sunday to be had. I believe I spent approximately 11 hours in the beautiful outdoors that Chicago has to offer. For the first time in I don't know how long, I went to the beach and into Lake Michigan. Seriously, I don't even remember the last time I went for a dip in a body of fresh water. As far as beach-going goes, I try to avoid that in most situations due to the fair skin factor I have going on. It was actually quite fun and I wish I had done more of it this summer. To my surprise, the water wasn't too cold and we could actually see our feet the whole way out. The only disappointment was the fact that we couldn't really go out past our shoulders and fun flotation devices were not allowed.

The next trip of the day brought us to the Taste of Armenia in downtown Evanston. A few of my friends did a PeaceCorps stint in Armenia, and I've heard quite a bit about it, so I figured I'd give it a try. The food was delicious and the people that I met there were very friendly. A few people got some "readings" from the remnants of their coffee grounds after their cups had been turned upside-down for a short while. Unfortunately, I don't have a penchant for coffee, so no readings of the future for me.

For the evening, we headed out to the Pontiac Cafe in Wicker Park for a little bit of honky tonk bingo, which I can't recommend enough, especially since it's free. It was a special evening, for they were presenting a "Championship Bingo" trophy to the winner of the last game of the evening, that was actually a bowling trophy, but it definitely fit the atmosphere. I still haven't won a single round of bingo while playing there, but I guess I'll just have to keep on trying. Some of my favorite versions include "H is for Hank", "Prisoner", and "Oklahoma Sonbitch". What a way to wind the week down, and thank goodness we didn't have another round of 90 degree weather, it was getting a little old after a while!

No work for me today, I woke up to the alarm and made the quick decision that I just wasn't up for it and decided to go back to sleep until 10. It was quite luxurious and highly recommended. What made it even better is that I only have a three day work week this week and four day the next!

Kids and Babies and some Music thrown in for Good Measure

You know, when I was younger, I always thought that I wanted a few kids of my own and would be one of those nice stay-at-home moms for a few years and then switch to part-time so I could be home when they got home from school if the budget allowed either one. Well, I hate to say it, but a few years back, one of my best friends had a baby and my bubble was burst. I have done a complete 180 degree spin on the way that I think about spawning. I just don't think it's the right thing for me right now or anytime in the near future. I understand that it's a totally rewarding experience and it's different if they are your own kids and you learn how to deal with them, tune them out, keep them from throwing a fit, etc., but call me selfish or lazy, I'm just not ready to deal with that. I want to have my own time whenever I want it and for as long as I want it. I don't want some little kid talking my ear off about something when I'm trying to focus on something else. Sure they say cute things and they look cute, but that kind of stuff just isn't for me. I saw a woman who had four kids of her own at the Dairy Queen last night and while she appeared not-so-frazzled, there were a few outbursts of frustration. If I were her, I would probably tear my fucking head off with so much noise and commotion going on. Does this mean that I would be better off as a hermit?

Less than a month to go before I see my banjo-playing inspiration, otherwise known as Sufjan Stevens. I just can't get enough of him and his music. Every part of it is so beautiful, between the words, the melodies, the instrumentation, the talent of his backing band... T minus three days until my own banjo lessons begin! I'm a little nervous because it's been so long since I've played a musical instrument, and I've never played a stringed one. We'll see how it goes. It's only an eight week commitment, so if I don't like it, I don't have to keep on trying.

Also, less than a month to go before I head down to that foreign country of Texas for the first time to enjoy three full days of musical bliss, otherwise known as the Austin City Limits Music Festival. I'm sure that by the end, I will be 1.) exhausted and 2.) feel like I've died and gone to heaven with all of the quality acts that will be filling my ears, eyes, and soul.

On an random note, has anyone ever noticed how when you press that little button to take you to the "next blog" at the top of the screen that, yes, indeed it does take you to the next random blog, but how many of them seem to be all advertisements? I find it rather annoying to come to something that tells me all about CRM software, telescopes, cruise ship deals, or debt reduction/consolidation. Is it just me?

Day One

Here I am sitting at work, wasting time for about the fourth or fifth day in a row, and yes, it is Friday. Just finished listening to a great song by Karate, which always makes me feel good inside, but then makes me a little disappointed since they recently broke-up/disbanded/what have you. Kind of like something that I recently went through for no good reason in my life recently (on my birthday celebration night to be exact), but the details will just bore you.

Next song up on the good old streaming radio: Left Lane Lollygagger - Staggering Statistics. First of all, Staggering Statistics is a great band name, and secondly, "Left Lane Lollygagger" is one of the most enjoyable song titles every. I mean, you really want to hate that guy that is the left lane lollygagger, but when you hear the song, you don't mind it so much. In other music news, the new Death Cab for Cutie album sounds like a hit, even if they are signed on to a major label now, and everyone and their teeny bopping sister will fall in love with them. But, hey, fame probably isn't so bad.

I've got some real staggering statistics for you, unfortunately I can only really confirm one of them with back-up sources. Staggering statistic #1 - it takes 350 lbs. of ground beef to make meatloaf to feel 1,000. Staggering statistic #2 - the happiness that you find by making $50K/year brings you the same amount of happiness that a millionaire has. So I guess more money doesn't necessarily bring more happiness.

A question to the readers out there, has anyone done a stint in a foreign country teaching English? I'd like to take my life elsewhere for a change of venue and this might be something fun to do before I get too old. Thoughts? Comments?